So, Real Sex is just about the greatest show ever, as far as I'm concerned. I often watch it at the studio when I'm closing down. And this past week they had an episode about the Boston Amateur Porn Film Awards thing. And it had all these just... ridiculous porns. And it's not like "Mary Jane Takes It Up The Poop Shoot From Her Jack Russell Terrier" or "Misty Boobykins Gets Banged 'Tween The Boobs By Her Boss, Brutus Cockleman" or even "Slutty McWhoredom Goes Down On The Titstanic... And Then The Ship Sinks" ridiculous.
No, it's over-thought, over-intellectualized, bullshit Boston porn. Like some Harvard bint who did a musical porn with these flowers and this strawberry betting spanked and going into a fantasy world where it was okay and blah blah blah. IT IS MOTHERFUCKING PORNOGRAPHY, PEOPLE! WALK YOUR ASS OUT OF KILLIAN HALL AND JUMP INTO THE CHARLES RIVER! GET A LIFE! AND A GIRLFRIEND!
Now don't get me wrong. I think porn can be art and there is some erotic art that is museum worthy in the extreme. But my problem with Boston people is they take their goddamn intellectual pretension too fucking far. My problem with this shit is the same one I had with the entirety of the Emerson Film department. This whole fest is filled with kids who think the very definition of a smart and poignant film is a clown flipping a pancake in slow-motion while weeping over some slow song sung by a sultry French songstress from the 1940s shot on grainy black and white 8mm in a rotting New York apartment. "It speaks to the plight of the common man!" No, it fucking doesn't. It's fucking over-thought, under-whelming, uninspired bullshit art school pretension.
Yes, I live in the porn capital of the world. Yes, I am surrounded by people who couldn't even spell subtlety, let alone practice it. But god in fucking heaven, it is a nice change from the utterly infuriating intellectual chicanery practiced by my home state. I really, seriously can't take the "what would Dosteyvsky do" crowd anymore. Because for all of LA's flash and glitter and plastic surgery, it's way more real than Boston. At least here people are only pretending to be something more in the wallet than they really are. I hate people who lie about their intellect and force feed their unfounded opinions down your throat without taking a second to look around and realize the world is not like it says it is in AltMedia or on FOX News (this rant and all my others nonwithstanding, of course). It is somewhere in between.
Maybe the psychotic right did have something with their "liberal elite" line of shit. Maybe, just maybe, we should reevaluate ourselves as intellectuals and people before we get up on our high horse and start tearing into the South and the Midwest for being a bunch of knuckle-dragging, cousin-fucking, moonshine-swilling, wife-beating, NASCAR-loving, xenophobic, monosyllabic, racist, brain-dead motherfuckers who wouldn't know a valid political issue from an issue of playboy if it danced naked in front of them to David Allen Coe. I mean, they are, but they have some valid points about us, if you can get them to spit out the chewing tobacco long enough to enunciate clearly.
And on a separate note, is everyone in Massachusetts polyamorus (or at least was at one time)? It's the extreme cold. We need orgies to stay warm.
Man, fuck Massachusetts. Give me brain dead LA any fucking day of the week.
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