YAY SOX!!!!

Once more, congrats to my beloved Red Sox. YANKEES SUCK!
*******************************
Q: What do you call 25 people watching the World Series?
A: Yankees
**********************
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
*******************************
Q: What's the biggest challenge for the Yankees marketing department?
A: Literacy!
*****************************
Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked man with breasts lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead man out of respect and to cover his private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over his left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on his right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on his pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found his naked and covered him up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the man's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."
*****************************************
"The Yankees are the French of Major League Baseball...."
******************************************
Yankees slugger Darryl Strawberry fouled a pitch off his foot on Sunday and now has a crack in his big toe. This is the first time that the name Strawberry and the word crack were used in the same sentence without it ending with his suspension.
********************************************
Did you hear about Yankee stadium falling apart?
A huge beam fell through the deteriorating roof. In fact, this was the first time the Yankees have had a problem with crack without it resulting in the suspension of a player.
*****************************************
A Boston Red Sox fan, a Chicago Cubs fan and a NY Yankees fan were all in Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army.

While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a sever offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were sentenced to death!

With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one wish before your whipping".

The cubs fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The cubs fan was carried away bleeding and crying.

The Yankees fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself), and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back." But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Yankee fan crying like a baby.

The Red Sox fan was the last up ( he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said "you support the greatest baseball team in the world, your supporters are the best and most loyal fans in all the world. For this you may have 2 wishes"

"Thanks, your most royal highness'" the Red Sox fan replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave," said the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Shiek asks..

To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."
*****************************************
Four baseball fans, each from a major league city, are climbing a mountain.
On the way to the top, each is arguing about how loyal they are to their team and what they would do for their team.

As the climb progresses, the odds increase. Upon reaching the top, the Mets fan shouts, "This is for the Mets," and hurls himself off the top.

Next the Brave fan yells, "I love Atlanta, this is for the Braves," and hurls himself off the mountain.

Suddenly the Red Sox fan yells "This is for everyone," and pushes the Yankees fan off .
******************************
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!".

Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The person answers, "51."

Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says,
"GO YANKEES"!!
*********************************
Olympics in New York
(Not so much about the Yankees, but it sure explains the fans)
In an attempt to influence the members of the International Olympic Committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2020, the organizers of New York City's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events.

A copy has been obtained and is reproduced below.


OPENING CEREMONY

The Olympic flame will be ignited by a gasloine bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the northern Manhanttan area), wearing the traditional costume of leather jacket, Yankee baseball cap and tattoo. It will burn for the duration of the games in a large armored truck sitting on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS

In previous Olympic games, New Yorkers have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of athletes from NYC. These include:

* 100 METRES SPRINT *

Competitors will have to hold a VCR and a car stereo (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting gun, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

* 400 METRES HURDLES *

As above but with added obstacles (ie. taxicabs, trash cans, backyard fences, shopping carts, ... etc.)

* HIGH JUMP *

Barbed wires like those used in state jails are added, electrifying is optional.

* HAMMER THROW *

Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grevious bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed.

* FENCING *

Crow bars, broken beer bottles and batons are used instead of swords.

* SHOOTING *

A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving armored truck. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Stop 'N Go cashier. The final round requires competitors sitting inside a car and driving by a residential area to shoot at their targets.

* BOXING *

Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Super Bowl night. The husband will be given a bottle of wine while the wife will be told not to bring him any corkscrew when the New York Jets has just lost a touchdown. The bout will then commence.

* WRESTLING *

DWI and bomber suspects are to be let loose for 30 seconds before law enforcement officers storm in. Batons and handcuffs are not allowed in this event.

* CYCLING TIME TRIALS *

Competitors will be asked to go to a college campus and steal an expensive mountain bike owned by a hillbilly on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

* CYCLING PURSUIT *

As above but the bike will be owned by a defensive line backer of the New York Jets, who will witness the theft.

* MODERN PENTATHLON *

Amended to include mugging, breaking-in, flashing, purse snapping and drug delivering.

* THE MARATHON *

A safe route has yet to be decided since it is not likely held in the Central Park. The competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.

* SWIMMING *

Competitors will choose to be either thrown off from the Brooklyn bridge or thrown into the Whitewater. The first three survivors back will decide the medals.

* MENS 50KM WALK *

Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Manhattan.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members from the drug dealers, abortion advocates and gay & lesbian groups, sychronized rock throwing and music by the Army Sex Scandal Band.

The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the apartment building next to the stadium.

The stadium will be then boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and wiring, and the equipment such as the PA system, scoreboard, big screen ... etc.
********************************
A father and son are outside Fenway Park, and the young son is asking his father to buy him a "Yankees Suck" T-shirt. The father hesitates, but finally tells his son, "You can have the shirt if you promise never to say that word."

"That's right," says the T-shirt vendor, wanting to make the sale. "'Suck' isn't a very nice word."

"No," replies the father. "I meant the word 'Yankees'."
**********************************
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you a Red Sox fan?"

"Because my mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."
********************************
Two boys are playing hockey on the Boston Common pond when one is attacked by a vicious rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick and scares the dog off, stopping the attack. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Bruins fan saves friend from vicious animal..." he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Bruins fan," the little boy replies.

"Sorry. Since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox fan rescues friend from horrific attack...” he continues writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" the boy says.

"So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asks.

"I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beames.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little brat from New York kills beloved family pet."